Most people in Cheltenham, Gloucester, and the surrounding areas come to me expecting anxiety, stress, or confidence issues to be the root of their struggles.

Quite often, the real issue is something much quieter:

The tone of their inner voice.

It’s subtle.
Persistent.

And easy to miss — especially when life has been busy, stressful, or emotionally heavy.

This week’s Lesley Logic looks at a simple question that can create a huge shift in clarity and self-trust.

The moment that changes everything

I was speaking with someone recently who was being incredibly hard on themselves.
Not dramatically — just those quick, cutting comments that slip out without much thought:

“I should be doing better.”
“I’ve probably messed that up.”
“Everyone else seems to cope, why can’t I?”

It was the tone that caught my attention.

So I asked a question I ask often in my sessions:

“Would you speak to a friend like that?”

They stopped.
Really stopped.
And admitted,
“No. I wouldn’t.”

That pause is where everything shifts — because the mind suddenly hears its own tone for what it is:
not helpful, not motivating, just draining.

Why self-talk becomes harsher over time

Inner criticism rarely appears from nowhere.

Most people develop this tone during:

• long periods of stress
• times when they’ve felt they must “push through”
• moments when life demanded strength they didn’t feel they had
• situations where they believed being tough on themselves was the only way to stay in control

The unconscious or subconscious mind begins to use pressure as a strategy.
It mistakes harshness for discipline.
It assumes criticism equals improvement.

But pressure rarely creates clarity.
It usually creates overwhelm.

Why tone matters more than the thought itself

A lot of self-help focuses on “changing negative thoughts.”
But the truth is more grounded:

It’s not always the thought.
It’s the tone behind it.

Two people can think the same thought —
“I need to get this right” —
but experience completely different emotional responses based on tone:

• A harsh tone creates tension and self-doubt.
• A supportive tone creates clarity and focus.

We respond to our inner world in the same way we respond to other people.
Hostile tone → shutdown.
Respectful tone → confidence.

The question that brings clarity back

When someone asks themselves:

“Would I speak to someone I care about in this way?”

they suddenly hear their internal voice differently.

It interrupts the automatic pattern.
It softens the pressure.
It creates space for better decisions.

This simple question often leads to:

• clearer thinking
• improved focus
• reduced emotional exhaustion
• a calmer internal environment
• a stronger sense of self-trust

No affirmations.
No forced positivity.

Just a more human way of speaking to yourself.

Why this matters for anxiety, stress, and confidence

In my practice at Phoenix Hypnotherapy in Cheltenham, I see this pattern regularly.

People come in believing something is fundamentally “wrong” with them.

But often, they’re simply responding to an internal voice that has become overly sharp.

Once the tone shifts, everything else becomes more manageable.

You don’t need to “think positively.”

You just need to stop speaking to yourself like an adversary.

A simple reflection for this week

Take a moment today and ask yourself:

If my inner voice spoke to someone I respect,
would it help them… or tear them down?

You don’t have to answer it quickly.
Just notice what comes up.

Awareness is the beginning of change.

If you’d like support

If you’re in Cheltenham, Gloucester, or nearby areas and want to explore calmer, more grounded ways of responding to stress, Phoenix Hypnotherapy offers sessions designed to help people feel steadier, clearer, and more confident in their daily lives.

You can book your FREE initial consultation here through my website.